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~SouLXposed

is sleeping!
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Not functionable..

Thu Apr 30, 2009, 6:47 AM
I'm sorry that I'm still not keeping up with dA.. I've been feeling so depressed.. I'm not doing well... I hate feeling like this. I broke up with my boyfriend.. I feel terribly.. He is great. I just suck. I don't feel like I'm living right now.. Like one of my friends said, it's like you're here physically, but sooo not here. My eyes are swollen from crying so much yesterday. I feel like such a bitch.. So worthless. I hate hurting people. so much.. I'm just not fuctionable right now. I feel so miserable.. I've been feeling miserable for a while.. It's just so much worse now, I feel so badly. I know that it'll pass, but it's really hard now. I'm PMSing and I get a lot worse because of that. I'm so sick of crying.. I'm so sick of being miserable. I have a good life.. Why do I feel like this? I am hurting people.... I hate it... I don't want to be with my family, I always want to sleep, or get away.. I want to get better... I'm sorry for hurting people.. It almost makes me want to not be in any relationship or friendship.. The people I love don't deserve to have a friend who is so screwed up... I can't function. I can't figure out my emotions. I can't control myself. I have just been so unhappy and I don't even have a fucking reason!!! I have an absolutely wonderful life.. I just feel terrible. I want to stop this.. I want to just go into a coma and not wake up until everyone's gone. I don't wanna hurt people anymore.. I don't want to feel like this. I don't want to deal with life...

but thank you to all my close friends for putting up with me... I couldn't ask for better friends. You guys are amazing. I love you.

8 Comments
  • Mood: Tired
  • Listening to: chem teacher trying to teach... not working
  • Reading: He and I
  • Watching: my mistakes
  • Playing: the Game of life
  • Eating: nothing..
  • Drinking: water

Devious Comments

love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconartistically-tragicx:
~artistically-tragicx Apr 30, 2009, 11:30:48 AM
That's actually partially how I feel minus the last part (one good friend.....suckage much?). Dear, what you have to realize is that you CAN control this. You don't suck, thats just the sadness talking. You can't indulge in those feelings, because you know that none of it is true (if it was, then people wouldn't like you, you wouldn't have any friends, and essentially you'd be me.) Don't let it get the best of you. You CAN work through it, with the help of your family and doctor. It's manageable, you just can't let it destroy your life. If you ever need anything, you know I'm just a phone call away. Don't be afraid of asking for help from the people in your life, they want to help you (I know, everyone cares for you. I won't go into my self pity stuff but). Ask for help, with the help of others and yourself you will get better.

--
Free Hugs! :hugs:
:iconsinkingsunlight:
~SinkingSunlight Apr 30, 2009, 1:25:17 PM
Wow, it sounds like you're going through a really hard time right now. Don't give up just yet though, things will pass. Try to cheer up and remember that all your deviantart friends are here for your support :D. If there's anything I can do to help, just name it :).

--
Its me!
:iconlabruyere:
~LaBruyere Apr 30, 2009, 1:39:29 PM
The world, generally, sucks.
Good thing we have a God who's conquered it already.
Trust Him. It sounds cliche, and half the time we don't want to hear it. But He really does love you and pursues you, and cries when you do. Seek Him desperately and He'll prove it.

--
\m/ ( >.< ) \m/

Throw up ya rock fist!
:iconsinkingsunlight:
~SinkingSunlight Apr 30, 2009, 1:43:01 PM
I wrote this for you on the spot, hopefully it'll cheer you up a bit :).
The collisions of reality are too hard to bare,
Weighing me down to a point where it’s no longer worth fighting.
Try as I might, the sun still set’s each day,
I keep on breathing, walking, and eating.
I’ve forgotten what’s right, sensible, and true.
I’ve lost sight of reality, honesty, and life.
Drowning in my own disasters,
Falling down an endless shaft.
This empty box I’ve closed myself within is too revealing.
A mask is stitched over my face,
I know once I pull it free, scars will remain.
I’m ready and willing for the challenge though,
I’m no longer afraid.
For the worst part of all of this, is not being strong enough to be who I am.
Not being able to tare away the image people have accustomed themselves to seeing.
I’m worried they won’t recognize who I really am after so much time has past.
Left me, forgotten me, tossed me aside like trash.
I’m worth something more then this,
I’m living, I’m here, I’m ready to move on.
Pull away from the terrors ripping me apart.
Forgetting all the pain and suffering I’ve caused.
It’s my time to live, to dance under the sun and stars,
Looking through a new pair of eyes focusing on the path before me.
There are two roads there that I have yet to choose,
Both a challenge, both very new.
What my decision will be is left for fate.
Hopefully luck is on my side and I can look forward to a brand new day.

--
Its me!
:iconinkspirit:
~InkSpirit May 1, 2009, 2:45:27 PM
<3
i'll be there to offer my help whatever i can
:iconsoulxposed:
~SouLXposed Jun 29, 2009, 10:40:48 AM
Sorry I never responded.. This is the first time I actually read this, I skimmed over it when I first saw it but I wasn't read for it. This is wonderful. Thank you so so much. This is a wonderful piece and it means a lot. I'm starting to get better and this is about where I'm at right now. Thank you.

--
I tear my heart open. I sew myself shut. My weakness is, that I care too much. And my scars remind me, that the past is real. I tear my heart open, just to feel.
:iconsoulxposed:
~SouLXposed Jun 29, 2009, 10:41:47 AM
Sorry it's taken so long to get back to you. Thank you :glomp:

--
I tear my heart open. I sew myself shut. My weakness is, that I care too much. And my scars remind me, that the past is real. I tear my heart open, just to feel.
:iconsoulxposed:
~SouLXposed Jun 29, 2009, 10:42:48 AM
Thank you.. It's been really hard, but I'm pulling through, hopefully finding God again.. Sorry I took so long to get back to you, haven't really been on. Thanks for your support, it means a lot.

--
I tear my heart open. I sew myself shut. My weakness is, that I care too much. And my scars remind me, that the past is real. I tear my heart open, just to feel.
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