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Silent Screams by ~SouLXposed:iconSouLXposed:

Categories Literature > Poetry > General Poetry > Open


Cool heavy droplets
Fall upon her lashes
And penetrate her delicate skin.
The icy water numbs her body
And drowns out her entire world.

She tries to escape every pain
That's forever plagued her life.
Yearning to be consumed by the rain;
Her senses numbed and overtaken.
She can't tell the water
From her burning tears.

She holds her body desperately
As though her soul could abandon her
And convulsively
Falls to her knees.

Her screams, muted by thunder,
Tear into the sky:
My life is over.
And no one knows.
©2009-2010 ~SouLXposed
:iconsoulxposed:

Author's Comments

Not sure what I think of this piece.. I worked on the imagery and feeling a bit. Tried to make you see and feel what's going on.. probably could make it a bit better.

Comments


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:iconwolvesfire:
~WolvesFire Jun 30, 2009, 9:01:01 AM
Love this poem. Really great work ;)

--
*_x-Remember Every Moment-x_*
:iconsoulxposed:
~SouLXposed Jun 30, 2009, 9:08:38 AM
Thank you so much!

--
I tear my heart open. I sew myself shut. My weakness is, that I care too much. And my scars remind me, that the past is real. I tear my heart open, just to feel.
:iconlaxaria:
~Laxaria Jun 30, 2009, 11:33:30 PM
Good solid piece. You need to have some set structure to make it more organised. Work on the rhythm and rhyme a little bit more and you'll get a better outcome.

Good job still!

--
My Poems | 25 words of Inspiration | My Prose
:iconsoulxposed:
~SouLXposed Jul 1, 2009, 5:50:44 PM
I should really start working on that as a whole.. I haven't been much of an educated writer.. more impulsive. I find rhyming very frustrating so I usually don't bother. But I'll look it over to see what I can do. Thanks!

--
I tear my heart open. I sew myself shut. My weakness is, that I care too much. And my scars remind me, that the past is real. I tear my heart open, just to feel.
:iconlaxaria:
~Laxaria Jul 1, 2009, 7:11:26 PM
Just read a few good pieces and get an idea of how to make a more structured piece.

Make use of things like metaphors, similes, alliteration and onomatopoeia. Simple literary devices, yet very powerful when used right, especially metaphors.

--
My Poems | 25 words of Inspiration | My Prose
:iconsoulxposed:
~SouLXposed Jul 1, 2009, 7:34:55 PM
mmm.. I like metaphors.. Definitely haven't used them as much as I should have.. I want to thank you so much. You've given me so much feedback and I really appreciate it. I've found that I don't get much solid critique to help improve my writing. Your critique inspires me to want to write better. thank you for that.. I haven't felt that in a while.

--
I tear my heart open. I sew myself shut. My weakness is, that I care too much. And my scars remind me, that the past is real. I tear my heart open, just to feel.
:iconsoulxposed:
~SouLXposed Jul 1, 2009, 7:39:23 PM
yay hugs! :glomp: lol

--
I tear my heart open. I sew myself shut. My weakness is, that I care too much. And my scars remind me, that the past is real. I tear my heart open, just to feel.
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