This year.. Has been a hard one. I've been battling with depression and it's been very challenging. I've been very sick (not fatally, just consistantly) this year and it's really taken a toll on my mental health.. or my mental health has taken a toll on my physical health, who knows?

In the begining of the year one of my best friends fell into a very bad depression along with battling with anorexia. She almost completely withdrew and I had no idea what to do. It was really hard for me to watch her suffer so badly and not be able to do anything about it and feel like our friendship was dwindling. Thankfully she got the help she needed and is recovering. She is an amazing friend and as soon as she was able to, she has helped me exponentially in getting better. Thank you so much for being here for me. I don't know what I would do without you, you are an amazing and strong person. Always be true to yourself.

One of my other close friends in the begining of the year was also anorexic and depressed and has been dealing with it for a very long time. We had a lot of issues and this year I lost one of my best friends and it was really hard. I'm sorry if you think that I'm a bitch for making so little contact to the point where I can't look you in the eyes. I truely hope that you are doing better and will improve and keep your friendships that can help you.

My father started wanting to be a part of my life again this November. I was not ready for it. I had already desensitized my emotions towards my father and his family; I needed to be strong for myself and not let him just come into my life whenever he wanted to. He threatened to go to court to make me go down to visit him and he caused a lot of drama, but I know that it's what I needed to do for myself. I may find that I can go back down again, but for now I need to focus on myself and not my failed relationship with my father.

I have always been a very religious person, and I still am. But my relationship with God has suffered a lot throughout my depression, which has made my depression even worse, that's how it always works, isn't it?

My grades sucked for the year, but what's happened happened. I can only work from here on. I became extremely unmotivated throughout my depression. I would seem alright; I'd still be happy every once in a while, but I wasn't myself anymore. These past two years my depression has been peaking and falling. I'm on medication now, and going to a doctor who does acupuncture and it's been helping a bit. I've crashed hard a few times. I'm not actively hurting myself or anorexic, but it's been on my mind and I've gone a day or two without eating, just flirting with the idea. I know that I have that tendency, but I know in my heart I can do that to the people around me. My worst crash unfortunetely had it's consequence. I became hysterical and gave myself a concussion accidentally. It's been hard to deal with life this year, but things are getting better.

Lately, I've become much more motivated. I've had my falls and bad thoughts, but it's different this time. Even if I crash, I pick myself back up. It's so hard when you're falling to not know if you'll be able to pick yourself back up or not or if you'll find yourself again, but I think I'm going to. And I have people to thank.

I have 4 best friends and I don't know what in the world I would do without them. They have been so strong for me and have helped me so much. I hope that I'll keep them as friends for the rest of my life, I am detirmined to be as good a friend as they've been to me, thank you so much. I might not be here if it wasn't for you..

Hopefully, each of you know who you are, if not, then you can ask me

I know this year has been really hard for you too, and I'm so proud of you. It's incredible to look at what you're defeating. You are so strong, but I'll always be here for you if you can't seem to find that strength. I know that you'll always be here for me, and you don't know how much comfort I take in that. You've gotten me out of hysterics, even though you weren't there physically. Thank you so much for your friendship, I will always treasure it.

...well, the first thing I thought to say is that you're gorgeous, even though that really has nothing to do with this... but you are. so there. But I feel like I've gotten a lot closer to you this year and I'm so happy for it. You've helped me a lot even if you haven't realised it. You make me happy. Just writing this, I'm smiling. I just think of all your quirks lol I love our relationship, how we can be crazy but still talk and let things out. I love spending time with you and I know that you'll be there when I need to cry in someone's arms. You've been so strong watching everything go on around you along with your own problems. I'll always be here for you, no matter what it is, never doubt that. Thank you so much, for everything. Especially chocolate bunnies, cause they make everything better.

I've gotten a lot closer to you this year and I'm glad that you have enough trust in me to be able to confide in me, cause I know that's hard for you. I look up to you a lot, not just because you're taller than me You have such strength, I can't comprehend it. You're strong for everyone else even though you are suffering too. I feel like you know yourself really well and I really admire that. You're incredibly good at talking things out with me, thank you so much for putting up with me. Breakdowns while making failed purple cookies probably isn't top on your list of things to do. And murdering my bunny wasn't so nice, but definitely helpful. Thank you so much for being there for me, and remember that I'll be here whenever you need anyone. A shoulder to cry on even though it may be hard to reach

I've grown to love and trust you so much and i know that I'll always have someone here for me. You've been able to snap me out of things and really think things through. You're able to keep an un-bias standpoint and help me do what's best for me. I feel comfortable with you and you've really become one of my best friends. Thank you so much for opening up and being able to really help support me.

I am so lucky to have such amazing people in my life and I hope that I never take them forgranted. I'm sorry if I ever do. My family, especially my mom has seen me really suffer and been there for me and there's nothing more that I could ask for. I've been through a lot this year, but my friendships have gotten closer and I've realized just how much I can rely on my friends and family. Thank you so much for being here for me. I love my life and am so happy that such amazing people have stuck with me through these hard times. I love you guys so much, there aren't words to describe my love and appreciation for you.

I've written a few things that I'll be posting soon and hopefully be writting and reading more. Thanks for putting up with me